We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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