She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
