I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
