I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So much Jack, so little girl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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