the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
