I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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