i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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