I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
