So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize