I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
