I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up under a house in Key West
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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