I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
