if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
