His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
