My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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