CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We had to coat check the pizza.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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