My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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