Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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