I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
