I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize