Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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