the new term for farting is butt boxing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
