I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
