So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
