my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize