That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
