There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
