he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
