Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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