Reggie can tackle my bush.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
