HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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