i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so let's talk penis.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
