the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize