I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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