Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
