you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
