her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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