I will die if light touches me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
