oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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