I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
