The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
