to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We had to coat check the pizza.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
