I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize