I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
