and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
