dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
