Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
