True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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