If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
