Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
