yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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