I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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