Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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