I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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