It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
