there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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