I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
