i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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