Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize