dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My life is pants optional.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
