he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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