Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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