Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
