i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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