if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
