You just made me feel so damn special
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i've created a new STD.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
