somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
