Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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