Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize